A Survival Guide To Raising Boys – The Good , The Bad and The Funny.

Posted on April 16, 2012


Hope everyone is having a fabulous weekend !

I am very excited about this post and no it is not because I get to secretly bag out my children under the false pretense of writing a survival guide for less suspecting parents and also not because I am a cruel,unforgiving mum but because when you raise boys , every single day entails many stories of its own , stories that should be told , stories that must be told. Stories of laughter , deliciousness , tears , inspiration and stories of love. After all , isn’t that what Mumchic is all about ?

For our new readers , I have two little boys (6 & 8) , we have aptly named them , The Fabulous Two because you know , they’re pretty fabulous …. errr ok mostly fabulous !So what is it like raising two boys ? I am no parenting expert and most of the observations I will list below are mine alone but I have a feeling many of you will either be laughing your heads off or wondering if I secretly spied on your house to write to this post… or both !

So here it is , A Survivor’s , oops I mean Survival Guide to Raising Boys .

1.Boys eat ! Yes even the ones who made teeny , weeny little babies and you crawled behind them with a spoon of stewed apple making a right mockery of yourself had someone seen you because you were worried they wouldn’t gain enough weight on the next visit to the baby clinic. Face it , it was that stern nurse’s “You’re a careless , bad mother who probably spends all her day on Facebook ” look you were more afraid of than your child’s well being. Ah inner demons I tell you. Anyway , even that child will turn into a ravenous little something , a bit like my beautiful FS1. Where the heck does all this food go ? I often wonder . So the key is to have a very and I can’t say very often enough , stocked pantry and fridge and ofcourse a job that can fund your grocery bills because they will inevitably skyrocket.From what I hear , it doesn’t get any better. A little tip off , keep an unlimited supply of Maggi Noodles or whatever other brand you buy , our current favourite is Trident and teach your boy/s how to make them . Those little packs are a blessing I tell you for those in-between meals hunger cravings that may result in someone getting killed. Another trick is to have a lot of bananas handy , I have now taught FS2 to reach for a banana every time he feels like a piece of chocolate/lollies , bananas equal instant energy and much healthier than a sugar hit.

2.Be prepared for early onset pf hyponchondriasis , very very early. There will be unexplained tummy aches that last for months on end in spite of a clean bill from the GP.Their appearance will be staggered and timely , usually when there is an ad break on the tv and there is nothing else to do , you are a soft target you see.

3.Also , an unlimited supply of bandaids from the $2 shop (100 for $2 or something ? ) is a great investment because you know , bandaids can be redeeming force in many wars or (un)life threatning situations like :

FS2 , playing in the yard wails in excruciating pain ” Muuuummyyyyyyyyyyyyy , look I got SO badly hurt ” I race out to assess the damage which ofcourse turns out to be a mini graze . I say coolly ( in these situations , one must remain calm and detached and yet show a degree of compassion lest you want to be considered evil ) ” Here FS2 , let me rub some dettol and put a bandaid for you ” , All the wailing and tears halt …almost immediately ..Bandaids , making the world a better place.

And on that note , I beg you , please do NOT buy into those cute excuses for a bandaid with your kids favourite cartoons , you will end up spending a small fortune …on Bandaids.

But as we all know, most young boys have a great aversion to work. They can sit and stare at if for hours.

― James Dobson

Such profound words …

4.Along with hyponchondria-whateveritis , there is also a very early onset of laziness ( notice a pattern starting here ? ) , so instead of yelling out instructions every few minutes , write a list of tasks that need to be done before you leave home and stick it on their bedroom door. Then , just leave the scene . This never fails.

5.Memorize the Wikipedia because knowing the answer to just about everything and beyond is part of your job. Example : ” Mummy , Siri must get so tired , she has to answer so many questions , does she ever sleep ? ” , and If Aunty So and Uncle So have been married for sooo long , why don’t they have kids yet ? ( Clearly , my kids are still living in the ” God gives us babies ” bubble )

If , you are way too busy to memorize the Wikipedia , do the cool parent jig when thrown a difficult question for example Who is the world’s strongest man ?. Instead of tearing your hear down and yelling How in heaven’s name am I supposed to know that !!!!! be smart , just say “Honey , I will get back to you on that one” , disappear from the scene of the question for a few minutes , quickly google the question , read up on possible answers and return , loud and proud ” Oh honey , you know who the strongest man in the world is ” Deliver an animated spiel about the dude and throw in a few stats ( boys love stats ! ) . Now while your child looks at you with renewed respect , mentally bow down to the Google Gods and thank them from the bottom of your heart !

6.You must possess a very high tolerance for conversations that revolve around wees and poos. Yes , truly , most little boy conversations are hugely centred around excretion , I have no idea why but have learnt from experience and conversations with other parents of similar aged children that this is normal . Good ! I’ll have normal then.

7.Also , if you are raising more than one boy , be prepared for the most intriguing games. One of the popular ones at our house for example is : One son on the toilet seat doing his business , the other playing handball with him from the across the corridor… perhaps some strange way of expressing brotherly love which simply MUST be done while one brother is on the toilet seat . This proves the legitimacy of point number 6… it is true boys bond over strange things. Speaking of toilets , along with groceries and bandaids , make a considerable toilet paper allowance on your budget , just do it .

8.The girlfriend , boyfriend and marriage conversation comes easy. Contrary to popular belief , boys love talking about these subjects …. as long as it is about everyone else but themselves .But heaven forbid , if you were to entertain the thought that your own son might have a little crush or a girlfriend , the drama that ensues . Don’t do it , trust me , it raises hell.

9.Be a funny person , little boys love nothing more than a parent who has a great sense of humour and an ability to laugh at themselves.Say funny things , crack jokes , sing songs in weird voices and be dramatic.Ask to play a part in one of their pirate games , read to them or pass the football , I tell you there is instant redemption in these from all those times you send your little man to timeout and thought he will hate you forever.

10.Are you a minimalist raising boys ? If not , it would make a lot sense to become one , if you value your peace of mind that is. You know that gorgeous piece of art you have really been wanting to put up ? Or that tall vase that will look just perfect next to the sofa in your lounge ? Hold off until the boys have left the nest. There will be a lot of running and chasing , super hero games , Poo Ball ( as mentioned earlier ) , wrestling on the bed ,corridor cricket , hide and seek , Tae Kwon Do patterns practiced , bottom flashing competitions…need I say more ? The last thing you need is to have a brand new vase smashed to smithereens.

11.Be tech savvy , be very tech savvy . Little boys will not settle for your knowledge of Barbie’s latest clothing line or what car won the Grand Prix , like their older counterparts , little boys love gadgets and totally appreciate a parent who knows their tech. Yes yes , that does mean skimming over some of the tech news you have been conveniently missing for the past few years thinking you will eventually find out anyway. (Oh just incase you missed it , the world now has an iPad 3 , Facebook bought Instagram and Pinterest is where you upload your pictures ).I have found subscribing to a tech blog like Mashable is fantastic because you get a great overview of all the latest news. Chuck in a few youtube videos on some cool upcoming technology like the one below and your sons will be sold !

Oh the promise of the future !

11.And lastly , little boys just like little girls love a barrage of cuddles and kisses , they may not express it often enough but they love you and love spending time together and having you answer their million questions. Often , what works with the Fab 2 is when they ask me to do something for them , I will say that will cost you ummm about 100 kisses and then we negotiate it down to 30-40 , its a great way to kill a bit of time ,get a few laughs and score a few kisses .And they LOVE compliments so give that ego a little boost , just like little girls, they need to know they look handsome or did something very clever or said something, in a most articulate way.

Well , I could just keep going because there really is so much to share about raising these little men. All said and done , there is no right or wrong , so on days when all goes pear shaped and you lose hope just remember to breathe and smile , you know what they say ,

It is easier to Raise boys than to Fix Men !

So tell me …

What are your experiences with raising boys ? Do you have funny stories or tips to share with us ?